Writer abducted; search continues
by David Hepworth
Famous writer for popular online newspaper kidnapped by space aliens
In a shocking discovery, Katren Hepworth's empty bed was uncovered in her home in Metro Detroit where she resides with her family. "I thought it strange that she didn't wake up at her normal time", her mother Sheri states. "It was when I called her for breakfast that I knew something was wrong."
Experts state that they believe the only possibility for the disappearance of the writer could be attributed to an abduction by aliens from outer space. "The signs are all there; the rumpled bed, the clothes strewn around the room, and most importantly the lack of a body all point to her being 'taken'", Samuel Hepworth stated. He is an expert on the paranormal, and spends most of his time "profiling" such cases by dramatizing them through interpretive dance. "Some may think otherwise, but I am not convinced that the evidence leads to any other result but alien interference." While his interview with The Kazette was very brief, he divulged some clues to a break in the case which might be forthcoming, most notably on the next commercial break.
Feelings are mixed among the remaining family members. Dave Hepworth, father of the renowned writer, stated he wouldn't entertain the thought of alien abduction, as they are known to keep subjects far past 6:00 PM, which is supper time for the family. "I don't know about the aliens, but if Katren isn't back by supper, she's going to face some real hefty consequences, far beyond that of an abduction, let me tell you."
Carmella Hepworth, a distant relative of the writer, stated that she believed that Katren "would turn up eventually. I keep misplacing that kid. Then again, I can't find my keys, either." When asked about her memory, Carmella Hepworth refrained from commenting, citing mental health restrictions relating to liver failure forcing her to postpone further interviews.
"I know everybody's freaking out about this", said Tiffany Hepworth, sibling to Katren, "but I personally think scrubbing a shower stall is much more strenuous on the nerves. I mean, there's all that grout! I'm not all that worried about Katren. Knowing her, the aliens are probably running full speed back to Earth to drop her off. That kid will talk your ear off, y'know?"
Caeley Hepworth, the sibling closest in age to Katren, has since taken over the writer's living quarters and redecorated only hours since the disappearance. While critics scoffed at this, Caeley stated market progression research indicating her rightful rise in power, and was perplexed at the public outcry. "But I win", she stated.
Despite the evidence of abduction, some aren't convinced, and believe the writer to have returned to the life of a recluse. Ms. Hepworth was known to have been quite the hermit in her first eight months of life. While she decided to appear publicly for the first time earlier than intended, she didn't hesitate to make her mark on the world. Her excellent writing is only outplayed by her creativity, which if lost, would be a great detriment to the writing community at large.
Check The Kazette often for more breaking news on this case.
Katren safe: earlier report incorrect
by Katren Hepworth
Famous writer returns to calm readers
Aliens did not abduct me, as you can see I am writing this on my own (not on a space ship). It was just an April fools joke for me to be abducted by aliens. You all have to read Running Out Of Time, it's one of the best books, and I loved it! I want you all to read The Crime I wrote it! If you want to read The Crime please contact my editor, he is my big brother, and he gave me my newspaper! If you need a pen pal contact me, I already have one, and I want you too! Please go to
www.dhpersonal.com for my editors website. There will not be any breaking news on the case of aliens. Buy Cats 3 its great! My big sister stained her hair! I had a spring break and it was fun! Sorry it's late and please read next month!
